Wednesday, 24 November 2010

Will I ever get to the church?

- Marsha Norman

I do hope this is not true. By any means, dreams that I have that involve my favourite authors or film stars or fiancé or chocolate built houses can come true. That's fine. But those dreams that still haunt you long after you've just experienced them in your sleep should definitely not be included in your book. I don't want them in my book that's for sure. So, loyally running along the theme of my up coming wedding, unfortunately anyway, I have had two heart ripping dreams in a row about the big day. The dreams are the kind where they seem really real and when you wake up you feel like you've just ignorantly welcomed a bolt of stress. The dream I had last night was especially one of those.

I woke up on my wedding day with no-one but my dad. And I love my dad but seriously, having no female companionship when you have to get ready for the biggest day of your life is not a good start...there's the make-up, the dress, the under-the-dress, the jewellery, the HAIR, the nails, the everything that is attached to the body that needs some sort of glossing over. So there was my dad, and I had woken up an hour before the ceremony began. There was very limited time to get myself ready and so it began....the panic in my voice "where is my underwear? the lingerie I bought the other week?! Where is it? Oh I need a shower first. Dad find my underwear, where is it?".......Now, asking your dad where the lingerie you bought especially for the *cough* wedding night has gone is not entirely appropriate....you would think.....but you know, in dreams, anything goes!

Perhaps it sounds like a funny dream, one you wake up from and think, ohhh, that's not going to happen, ha ha ha........ HA. ummm. Well no. The dream kept going on for hours...well yeah, the whole night really. But everything that happened just delayed me from getting to the church on time and after eventually finding my underwear I realise I need to shave my legs! -back in the shower. Apparently I didn't realise the first time round in the shower..... not a reflection of reality- seriously. My maid of honour turns up in the dream and this just proves how everything twisted around in my dream was......she didn't help me get ready, she was....faffing around, and then she fell out with me, slamming doors. Great, I thought. My maid of honour isn't getting me to the church on time, my dad is lingering, doing....I don't know what he was doing. Then I realised I was already five minutes late for the ceremony....my fiancé was waiting for me at the alter and I wasn't even on my way there.

Make-up. Grab mascara, grab blusher, grab anything that's....ooooohh, nail varnish! Put them in an asda bag with a huge hole in it....nope, find another bag. I shout at everyone....my brothers now arrive and they all sit upright on sofas twiddling their thumbs. "We have to go!" I scream in frustration as I am the only one who sees the sense of urgency. No-one moves. I scream again. An hour has gone by by then. One whole hour. So I've known brides to be 20 minutes late at max but not an hour.

Everyone begins to move outside to the car and then out of the blue comes a life long family friend who I haven't seen for years. We are suddenly in Bath and I cry to her about how everything is going wrong and we're late and then I realise that my bra isn't strapless so you can see the bright jade straps. This friend says, "Oh come on love, let's go to the vintage shop." I agree....for some reason.....a vintage bra?

She flips through newspapers in the shop...not clothes, newspapers and I shout again at how I am late but she just says, "have a cup of tea with me".

"I can't drink tea! I am late for my own wedding, does no-one care?!"

I finally get to the church after remembering my shoes...oh yes, I needed shoes to walk outside- ha, these things slip your mind. I stand at the top of the aisle and I don't see my fiancé anywhere.

Oh fab.

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