Ordering Chaos

Queen of all lists, I struggle to do anything that is not written down on paper with a star next to it. Every little thing such as 'I must buy milk' or 'remember to put a wash load on' and every big thing like, 'complete this submission by December' and 'book honeymoon soon' are ALL written on hundreds of lists; lists that I always re-write and re-write even if nothing is ticked off. I am a check list person, and when I've been able to tick off just one bullet point (that rarely happens) I glow with happiness. It's satisfying seeing it on paper that I've completed something, and it helps organise everything that is madly swirling around in my head.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8537856.stm

This perfectly explains my obsession for lists and makes me feel a lot more sane knowing that there are also others who constantly jot down their steps in day by day living. And I did not, of course note down in my list today, 'blog'.

Will I ever get to the church?

“Dreams are illustrations... from the book your soul is writing about you.”

- Marsha Norman

I do hope this is not true. By any means, dreams that I have that involve my favourite authors or film stars or fiancé or chocolate built houses can come true. That's fine. But those dreams that still haunt you long after you've just experienced them in your sleep should definitely not be included in your book. I don't want them in my book that's for sure. So, loyally running along the theme of my up coming wedding, unfortunately anyway, I have had two heart ripping dreams in a row about the big day. The dreams are the kind where they seem really real and when you wake up you feel like you've just ignorantly welcomed a bolt of stress. The dream I had last night was especially one of those.

I woke up on my wedding day with no-one but my dad. And I love my dad but seriously, having no female companionship when you have to get ready for the biggest day of your life is not a good start...there's the make-up, the dress, the under-the-dress, the jewellery, the HAIR, the nails, the everything that is attached to the body that needs some sort of glossing over. So there was my dad, and I had woken up an hour before the ceremony began. There was very limited time to get myself ready and so it began....the panic in my voice "where is my underwear? the lingerie I bought the other week?! Where is it? Oh I need a shower first. Dad find my underwear, where is it?".......Now, asking your dad where the lingerie you bought especially for the *cough* wedding night has gone is not entirely appropriate....you would think.....but you know, in dreams, anything goes!

Perhaps it sounds like a funny dream, one you wake up from and think, ohhh, that's not going to happen, ha ha ha........ HA. ummm. Well no. The dream kept going on for hours...well yeah, the whole night really. But everything that happened just delayed me from getting to the church on time and after eventually finding my underwear I realise I need to shave my legs! -back in the shower. Apparently I didn't realise the first time round in the shower..... not a reflection of reality- seriously. My maid of honour turns up in the dream and this just proves how everything twisted around in my dream was......she didn't help me get ready, she was....faffing around, and then she fell out with me, slamming doors. Great, I thought. My maid of honour isn't getting me to the church on time, my dad is lingering, doing....I don't know what he was doing. Then I realised I was already five minutes late for the ceremony....my fiancé was waiting for me at the alter and I wasn't even on my way there.

Make-up. Grab mascara, grab blusher, grab anything that's....ooooohh, nail varnish! Put them in an asda bag with a huge hole in it....nope, find another bag. I shout at everyone....my brothers now arrive and they all sit upright on sofas twiddling their thumbs. "We have to go!" I scream in frustration as I am the only one who sees the sense of urgency. No-one moves. I scream again. An hour has gone by by then. One whole hour. So I've known brides to be 20 minutes late at max but not an hour.

Everyone begins to move outside to the car and then out of the blue comes a life long family friend who I haven't seen for years. We are suddenly in Bath and I cry to her about how everything is going wrong and we're late and then I realise that my bra isn't strapless so you can see the bright jade straps. This friend says, "Oh come on love, let's go to the vintage shop." I agree....for some reason.....a vintage bra?

She flips through newspapers in the shop...not clothes, newspapers and I shout again at how I am late but she just says, "have a cup of tea with me".

"I can't drink tea! I am late for my own wedding, does no-one care?!"

I finally get to the church after remembering my shoes...oh yes, I needed shoes to walk outside- ha, these things slip your mind. I stand at the top of the aisle and I don't see my fiancé anywhere.

Oh fab.

The Last One

The last and most cherished part of the bridesmaid process has come and with all the lovely dresses in my hands I can happily say that this chapter of the wedding planning is over. The bridesmaids each have a dress for the wedding and I have my dress for the wedding...surely it's downhill from here....

What to do when it's all over....

I've got my grips on four of the bridesmaid dresses! One more to go. They fit the girls perfectly and they look even more beautiful than I remembered - a happy ending after all.....well, until the last one arrives. Now the fabulous dresses that have caused me damaging distress can almost be ruled out of the equation. And onto the accessories - the fun part!

It's funny planning a wedding. There's all the hype and the big books and the scatty running about places to pick up truck loads of brochures....and then it stops. The wedding comes, and of course that is the best part of the planning, to actually see it all pulled together (I hope!).......but then there's marriage.....and this is obviously the best part *cough* *cough*. I am one of those people that loves to plan, loves the drama of things going wrong and then fixing them and feeling like I've achieved something - to me that seemed - impossible. After the wedding preparations, what will I do I wonder? Maybe make a scrapbook of 'how to be married'. Or even a scrapbook of 'what it used to be like when I had freedom and when I was partying and......' No, really I'm joking...really. Ohh but there are things to plan........ the thank you cards! Setting up our beautiful home.....or stingy flat.....but making it as beautiful as it can be...... and planning my friends' weddings - I WILL make scrapbooks for all their weddings...whether they like it or not. Or until they burn the scrapbooks to make a point and then I will probably take note...and leave. Hmmm........scrapbooking post-marriage. Oh, my fiancé really doesn't know what he's letting himself in for. :)

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

The bane of my life

My alarm went off this morning - I did not get up. Two hours later I woke up to find that I needed to jump out of bed pronto and get a move on to the the current bane of my life - Debenhams. The size 6 was cancelled yesterday due to no stock and there was still unfortunately no stuck available this morning so I managed to get my hands on a size 8 which was fab. I thought on the never ending journey to Debenhams as the rain poured down this morning, if they don't have a size 8, I will possibly kill myself.......however yet again that is a lie, as I would just result to drinking way too much coffee instead. Drug myself up with caffeine. Always works a charm. But thankfully I haven't yet had to resort to that as I have the dress ordered, and if there is one more glitch in this process, I will probably drown myself in coffee.

Where is the light at the end?

You would have thought after ordering a big batch of dresses from Debenhams that they would arrive swimmingly in perfect condition. Well, I still have no clue about what kind of condition they come in, as the order has been faulted about three times already! I would say it's ridiculous and stressful but I am getting to the point of not caring........however that is a lie, because I do care very much. Problems with my bank, the assistant forgetting to ask for essential details of mine, and unfortunate realisations that the only size 6 dress is out of stock entirely from their large stock room.. have all contributed in this entire mess. But fear not, I tell myself, as thankfully there is a Debenhams in Bath which has recently arrived - thank goodness - so at least I can race there and beg them to untangle this mess that has appeared from nowhere. I almost have 4 of the bridesmaids dresses....I need one more. Let there be light at the end of the tunnel.

The bells are a'ringing

It's been a while since I posted anything, but it was time for a bit of a make over and the day dreaming had to be put on pause for a while because sometimes...not often, I need to be in the real world, instead of gazing out the window wondering about life's mystery's. I'm getting married next July, so I'm going to do a bit of blogging about all the preparations - which is one of the reasons I haven't got round to blogging, but now I'll just intertwine it all.

The venue's are sorted, my dress is fabulously sorted (which took me long enough!), the date is set, the music and entertainment is almost wrapped up and just the other day I ordered the bridesmaid dresses - one very stressful part. You'd have thought they wouldn't be, as it is known for the bride to pick out a monstrosity of a dress in lemon meringue or that devilish shade of peach with over large shoulder ruffles. But I don't really understand that, surely the bride wants her wedding day photos to be nice. I know I do! So after changing my mind over and over again and starting to stress out my lovely amazing maid of honour, I went back to the original place to get them - where, conveniently my gift list is held (everyone likes a good 10% off dresses). The theme is Cadbury purple and ivory and anyone who knows me will know that chocolate just had to get involved somewhere. I've found the honeymoon destination in the gorgeous Greece which is slightly expensive, but do-able my fiance says (I've picked a good one!) so it's down to booking that and also getting all the invitations made (by my family and friends- not me - that would be the worst idea) and sent!

For now, that's the furthest I've got, and it's been so fun planning it......sad you may think, but I have indeed made a giant scrapbook full of everything wedding-y and an enormous wedding planner that I've probably had a flick through once! The journey to the wedding started off slow and steady, with slight hic-ups, but right now, it is starting to speed up and my mind is buzzing everyday with ideas and thoughts, which I'm going to journal on here.

Any wedding ideas, wedding struggles, wedding jokes, wedding moments - journal them here too! Would be fun!